It's 10:41PM...and I'm sitting here listening to Pantera, wishing my microwave were closer because I don't want to get out from under my warm blankets to heat my coffee. My phone is beside me...dead. I also don't feel like getting up to go plug it in...
Today has been exceptionally uneventful. I watched a few episodes of Lost and read some of a textbook. I wrote a small assignment that seemed too easy. It was the kind of easy that makes me worry. What if it was all trick questions? Oh well. I've been such a terrible student this semester that I'm not sure it matters anymore. I'm registered for Fall and sort of afraid of what I've gotten myself into. Two 8-week courses that are 5 credits each. Yeah...that sounds like pure torture. I worry that I should take some other classes first to better prepare myself. It's all computer stuff, and despite the fact that I am doing very well in my current class, I don't feel that I've really learned anything. There's reading it from a book and there's actually doing it - and I haven't done it. I want to, but...not on my own machines, y'know? I kind of need them. And, until I've done the stuff in the books, I don't think I'll feel comfortable saying I know any of it. :| What a shame. I guess I'm not used to a field in which a theoretical understanding of how something functions isn't enough. I'll have to figure something out, because Fall will be here soon... with the way time is going lately, it'll be here in a week.
Anyway, I also updated the layout here. It's so difficult to work within the confines of someone else's system. Using this is sort of like using a page builder program... Their names all escape me because I hate them. Nothing is ever perfectly centered and it drives me INSANE. When you do things by hand, the right way, you can get them exactly how you want them. This annoyance is the price I'll have to pay for the convenience of having this nice box in which I can type entries and then quickly post them. Whatever the case, though, it was time to stop using their stock images and themes. I thought about doing something prettier...something fancy with actual photos, but... when it comes down to it, I just like things simple.
While I was making a burrito earlier, I had a sort of revelation. There is really only one thing that I want. Just one. And I want it in a way that I don't quite understand. I want a huge family. I don't mean that I want to breed like a rodent. I want the kind of big, close, warm family that you see on TV (which I know is probably based on an ideal that everyone has and the reality of very, very few). I even want the dysfunctional aspects of it. Being an only child is very lonely. I don't like that my son wasn't born into a giant network of people. I worry that he'll always have this tiny little family. I worry that I won't be able to give him a brother or sister someday. It'd just be really nice to have siblings of my own, and numerous other family members...all living near each other and actually interacting. We're really not meant to be solitary creatures. And no, I'm not interested in joining a cult. Wouldn't mind creating a commune with like-minded individuals and super-green goals, though :)
Anyway... anyone ever hear the song "Is There a Ghost" by Band of Horses?? That's about where I am right now...
<3
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