It's finally over.
The last week was one that needed to happen, despite all my reluctance to let it. I'm now absolved of any guilt I could have possible felt from saying that I won't ever go back there. It was a horrible week full of all the things that demonstrate so very clearly how I just don't fit there...and how I never will...and how happy that makes me. It feels good to let go.
It's weird to learn a lesson that I'm planning to teach a character I'm writing...and weird that I'm learning it so late in the game. While it's true that there is "no place like home," that home is not necessarily the place you were born or raised; it's the place you make your home. I'm using the word "place" wrong, I guess... I mean the people, too. Technically, KS should be my home...and in that sense another saying is true, no matter that its contradictory: "you can't go home again."
It's also nice to see home for the first time...again...every once in a while.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Apples and Trees
Fairly recently I made some derogatory comment about apples and where they fall in relation to trees... and I'm pretty sure it had something to do with one of Romney's douchebag kids. While I don't take that back, I think that the last couple days have shown me just how far apples can fall. I'm sitting in Middle of Nowhere, KS, giving some serious thought to my family orchard.
It's like...at one time there was a hilltop covered in little trees that were my ancestors... and for the most part, they all stuck to the hilltop. My parents may have been born on the hilltop, but in time they were located somewhere on the side of the hill... and little apple me, having never been anywhere near the top of that hill, fell...rolled down the side of the hill, fell off a cliff and into a river, and then floated all the way to the ocean...where I floated in and out with the tide for a while before coming to rest in the sand in some sunny, beautiful place. I'm like... a beach apple. I see so little of myself in my family...apart from my mother, and to some smaller extent, my father. The important thing here is that...I'm glad. I don't mean to be talking shit, but it's just that...I can't imagine what I would be like if I held such horrifying beliefs. I can't fathom what would lead anyone to the REALLY think the things I've heard in the last day.
And yes, I did (stupidly) watch a little of the presidential debate with family. I knew better. I didn't make it very long, and ended up with the kind of headache that comes with nausea. Not exactly worth it.
I'm sitting in the only coffee place in this little town... which is an odd improvement over home - I'm not sitting in Safeway. AND they have wifi, which is good since my phone says I've reached my data limit. The place is cute... wood floors, tin ceiling, exposed stone wall (not brick...i can't remember what it's called, but pretty much all the old buildings here are made from it). The only problem I have with this place is that it closes at 3:30... who does that?? It's a terrible time to close. Normally, I'd be sitting here with my headphones in...no music...listening to the conversations around me. Considering where I am, I think it's best if I avoid eavesdropping. I know it'll take little time for me to end up horrible offended, and I'm trying really hard to behave while I'm here... at least behave well enough to not end up lynched. Opening my mouth in a public place would prove dangerous.
There's also an archery shop right across the street....
Ok... I should do my homework before this place closes...
It's like...at one time there was a hilltop covered in little trees that were my ancestors... and for the most part, they all stuck to the hilltop. My parents may have been born on the hilltop, but in time they were located somewhere on the side of the hill... and little apple me, having never been anywhere near the top of that hill, fell...rolled down the side of the hill, fell off a cliff and into a river, and then floated all the way to the ocean...where I floated in and out with the tide for a while before coming to rest in the sand in some sunny, beautiful place. I'm like... a beach apple. I see so little of myself in my family...apart from my mother, and to some smaller extent, my father. The important thing here is that...I'm glad. I don't mean to be talking shit, but it's just that...I can't imagine what I would be like if I held such horrifying beliefs. I can't fathom what would lead anyone to the REALLY think the things I've heard in the last day.
And yes, I did (stupidly) watch a little of the presidential debate with family. I knew better. I didn't make it very long, and ended up with the kind of headache that comes with nausea. Not exactly worth it.
I'm sitting in the only coffee place in this little town... which is an odd improvement over home - I'm not sitting in Safeway. AND they have wifi, which is good since my phone says I've reached my data limit. The place is cute... wood floors, tin ceiling, exposed stone wall (not brick...i can't remember what it's called, but pretty much all the old buildings here are made from it). The only problem I have with this place is that it closes at 3:30... who does that?? It's a terrible time to close. Normally, I'd be sitting here with my headphones in...no music...listening to the conversations around me. Considering where I am, I think it's best if I avoid eavesdropping. I know it'll take little time for me to end up horrible offended, and I'm trying really hard to behave while I'm here... at least behave well enough to not end up lynched. Opening my mouth in a public place would prove dangerous.
There's also an archery shop right across the street....
Ok... I should do my homework before this place closes...
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