it's times like these...

Everything is working out, and yet it's not exactly thrilling.  All those little pieces that I'm supposed to seek out and put together are in my possession...yet I'm not satisfied with the picture.  Maybe I'm not putting them together right.  Maybe I gathered up all the wrong pieces.  Maybe they're just too small.

The dissatisfaction sets in...

I got a job today.  It's good that I got one, because I'm getting pretty broke.  The thing is, it's not a job I really want.  Working at a front desk in a 55+ RV community was never something I aspired to do...  It's also not a job that pays anywhere near what I'm worth (not even half).  I feel like I'm selling out...cheaply.  The only plus side to this job is that I'll have a nice long lunch break every day during which I can spend time with my kid.  I'm trying to think of all that I'll eventually be able to provide for my son by having a job...yet I can't get past the fact that I'll be spending 40 hours a week away from my favorite person in the world.  I'm just not seeing the immediate benefit to spending time away from my kid.  Maybe if I were going to make a substantial amount of money...something that would most certainly make a difference in his life.

Blah.

I still want to be an artist, in some respect...and I'd like to be paid for my work...paid well enough that I won't have to work outside my home unless I want to.  

This j.o.b. will give me limitless material for some potentially hilarious social commentary (senior citizen's soap opera), but unfortunately, they would really like some level of confidentiality to be maintained.  :|  Oh well.

Maybe I should just buy a lottery ticket.  I've heard that lottery ticket sales in Arizona are up considerably...just like our unemployment and poverty rates.  It makes me think we're all pretty desperate here. :\  I'm just looking for a way to actually be the one to raise the kid I made.  

Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and this'll be Harry Potter world...and I'll be a witch...and everything will be as magical as the pacific northwest.

Here's to hoping...or believing in fantasy :)  G'night!

<3