And I apologize for the intentionally vague nature of most of this... but I find it frustrating when my deep, foundational beliefs are challenged and found to be lacking.
No, I don't believe in any deities. Sorry if you got your hopes up...as I know some of you did.
It's just that perhaps I'm not the pacifist I have always thought myself to be... and the challenging aspect of this is that it's a side of myself that I've been shying away from for some time...yet I've been unwilling to admit my own changes even to myself. It's only in the last weeks that I've actively sought the changes...rather than passively searching out the possibilities online.
What do you do when you really want to do something that goes against everything you've ever believed? And what do you do when...you do it. And like it. I spent too much time justifying this before acting... and it brought me a lot of peace...but I am still stumbling a little.
It's good for me. Change is good. It wasn't a bad foundation, but it's served its purpose and now I need a new one. Reconciling the acceptance of this new side of myself into the hippie mold I've always lived in will take some time.
Over-analyzing is tiring. Why am I unable to over-analyze in just one area of my life at a time???
And no, it's not a bdsm thing...I've read over this a couple times and every time it seems worse. I just want to shoot things with arrows. Nothing that's alive.
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