This has been a real waste of a day. I'm sitting here, wide awake, despite my relatively small caffeine intake. Maybe it's just the typical Monday night insomnia. I had a rare case of Sunday night insomnia last night, coupled with some pretty bizarre dreams that I don't remember.
I suppose the day started off pretty productive. I got the kid pre-registered for preschool. It was a bittersweet moment. He's a big boy now...and I love him...and I miss my little boy. Three is a really great age. Selfishly, I'd like for him to stay three for a few years. Everything that comes out of his mouth is gold. He's just hilarious. And he's growing up...
That was about where the productivity ended. I spent a while drawing little black lines and dots and squiggles on the table top I've been working on, and then I gave it 5 coats of polyurethane. It's not yet done. After that, I settled in to write. I've been doing a pretty big rewrite in the beginning, and have gotten to a sticking point. It's frustrating...I know what comes next, but really want to get through this little part first. It's just a couple pages, but I'm stuck. Over-thinking is probably to blame. So I paced around and drank my coffee and paced around some more. There was just no writing it today.
And then I heard a song...and there was that little movie in my head. That's how I see the story, by the way. It's a movie and I just have to write down what I see. The movie was awful...in that it was really good, but so depressing that I couldn't write it without crying. So I sat there, listening to the song on repeat and crying as I wrote less than a thousand words. I'm terrible at goodbyes in any context. This one is right up there with...well, I haven't had a goodbye like this in my life. I think I'm thankful for that. It tore me up pretty bad...and the thing is, the part that I wrote isn't even all that upsetting. I just know what it takes to get there and what's about to happen...so the tiny moment of calm that my characters have makes me ache for them.
I also made salsa, picked up the outside toys, and went for a walk. The walk was at least partially rewarding in that I got to spend a considerable amount of time completely lost in my head. I have a playlist for the book, and I was listening to it. The fact that monsoons are starting and so much of the story depends on the weather...it's good for inspiration. I was really hoping to get more focus from my walk, though....to come home with a clear mind and motivation to spare.
It's almost midnight... I should be sleeping. I should be dreaming...
I should put some of that sweet dream stuff on my pillow and try my very hardest to not think for a while. Maybe do some progressive muscle relaxation...I used to really love that...and it worked great for insomnia. Becoming a mom seems to have been the ultimate insomnia cure, though. Except on Mondays...sleep never comes easy when the kid's not home.
I think my chances of falling asleep will be greatly improved if I turn off the computer...
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