monsoon night.

There is absolutely nothing better than sitting on the back porch in a big rocking chair with my son on my lap... watching a storm roll in...

Reading things... still...

As I continue on my "Reading for Research Purposes" journey, I find there's little out there that really captures my attention...and emotions.  Since my last post about books, I've read the following:


The first three are a pretty solid trilogy, and the forth is a good book, too...though I feel it was unnecessary.  These are very light.  I never felt emotionally involved with any of the characters, and none of the 'romance' ever felt like anything special.  The characters didn't have a lot of depth.  Some of that may have been intentional, because of the things going on in their worlds, but I really feel that it's important to have depth and *real* change in characters as the story develops.  I'm not saying these are bad books - not at all - but they were just... light.  Fluffy.  The stuff they were dealing with was so serious, but there was just...no emotion behind it.  Perhaps it's the way that men approach emotion as opposed to how women do... That's something I've learned this summer: when a woman pulls up a past event as a way to stir the emotions, it's used eloquently and generally it's the right event/word/vision at the exact right time (of course there are exceptions...).  Male authors are less consistent in this area.  Westerfeld provided a nice diversion in these books...


I took a risk reading this.  I'm not a big fan of books about regular humans living in a normal world.  The reason I went for it was because of the amnesia - that provides for a lot of self-discovery and growth.  It started out very well.  The self-discovery was there: teen girl realizes she's a petty, self-absorbed brat.  It doesn't take a Hollywood turn, though.  All these things are realized, but nothing much is done.  The book was okay, but the ending was just so average...so normal...that I was bored.  It was exactly what would really happen.


...I read to escape things like that...I don't have any desire to read about the world I actually live in...



I picked this up based solely on the title.  It sounded like it'd be interesting.  The thing is, I'm not a big fan of zombies.  I'm just not.  I've tried... really.  My favorite movie as a child was Night of the Living Dead (the original, of course).  The story wasn't bad, I guess.  I didn't get emotionally involved with any of the characters, and the romantic aspect was weak and mostly empty.  There was a lot of death.  A LOT.  This author killed all the time...didn't care who was being killed.  My biggest problem with the book was how it ended.  Pretty much nothing happened, and I was disappointed.  I didn't find out until just a couple minutes ago that there are two more books in the series.  Oops.  Guess I'll check the library site and see if I can get the next two books...though I didn't care for the characters...even the few who lived.


Some parts of this book were pure genius, and others were not.  There are two worlds, a prison and the real world - and naturally, the real world is a prison in its own way.  The real world prison is the aspect of this book that I find to be the most interesting.  They follow a strict Protocol... they've chosen an era from the past and live in it...as a way to eliminate all those things that come along with competition and the creation of new things.  Everything is period.  It came across as 18th century Europe... with royalty and poverty.  Everything was controlled - even the weather.  It was a really unique take on the future and ways to control a society.  The rest of the story wasn't as genius... and this is one female author who wasn't adept at creating an emotional connection between the characters themselves or the reader and the characters.  Absolutely nothing was settled in the end, and honestly, there are more questions than answers, so I'll probably have to get the next book.  Again, it's tough to continue with a series when I feel so little for the characters.


I am REALLY trying here, but... try as I might, this book isn't hooking me.  I read around 20 pages yesterday and was so terribly bored that I didn't even bother with a bookmark.  The writing is really good.  Atwood is clearly a very talented author, but I'm not interested in the main character.  He's not a hero-type; he's really kind of gross.  Unfortunately, he's not gross enough for it to matter.  I just feel nothing for him.  I don't care if he finds what he's looking for.  Typically I'm all about the character-driven novel, but in this case, I think a better hook might have been the world in which they live.  The jacket hints at some interesting stuff... but there's just no room for a slow start.  I think I might be giving up on this one... which will be a first this summer.

And that's it for what I've been reading...in the fiction department, anyway.  I'm still working on 70 Mistakes Writers Make...and the usual plethora of articles and blogs.  As a reader of mostly nonfiction, all these stories are starting to seep into my interpretation of the world in a disappointing way.  After reading HP, I was almost depressed that I lived in this boring world with no Hogwarts and no magic.  I've got to admit, though, that that is the only fiction world in which I really want to live.  And even then, I'd only want to live there if I'd gotten my Hogwarts letter.  Now, I'd be gunning for a letter for Oliver... he'd look great in Ravenclaw robes.  The thing is, reality is awfully dull in comparison to even the most depressing alternate world.

It all makes me think of my most recent Twitter follow - firstworldpains. It's a hilarious yet deeply depressing look at the things we westerners struggle with in our daily lives. Some pains include, "My dog doesn't fit in my Coach handbag," and "I accidentally walked to the non-automatic door at Target and I had to open it myself." Somehow I think that, even though I'd be unsuited for it, a life of struggles lends itself better to a depth of emotion that...matters. Of course it's easier for characters in books to fall in love - they're in life-or-death situations. Their emotions are already piqued, so they're primed for it... bring two (or three) people together under those circumstances, force them to rely on each other, and they'll automatically form a bond. It may or may not be genuine romantic love, but the urgency and necessity of it all falls easily to passion. They're clearly already capable of passion. And then we read books and watch movies and see all these people having thrilling romances...and want it. It kills authenticity, but that's ideals for ya... and entertainment. I'm having trouble deciding if I'm okay with this...

Anyway... It's 11.  I need to get some stuff done before it gets too hot to do anything!  The monsoons should arrive later this week...and I am THRILLED!  The smell of rain in the afternoon... the dark skies and amazing sunsets... the electricity on the air... I really can't wait!  Sadly, I think it's way too late to save our 4th of July, but hopefully we'll get some fireworks later in the year.

Two dreams

Last night I had two dreams that I remember...one great, the other...not so great.  In the first, I got married.  I don't know who my husband was, but he was pretty perfect.  He may have been a bit too young.  I was really happy, though.  Giddy, actually.  The wedding took FOREVER, though...because I kept making them all wait.  My dress had a malfunction: it was completely transparent in the back.  I ended up not wearing underwear, and my husband was bothered by that, but I'm not sure why.  Maybe the dress was showing more than I knew about.  The dress itself was pretty hideous... but my hair was amazing.  I don't remember the actual wedding... when I walked out to do it, all I saw was the guy's face, and then it was some time later.  Oliver was 4, and my husband and I had just found out we were going to have a baby.  The dream ended with us going out to get pizza.

The bad dream was... bad.  I went with some friend to a detox place for alcoholic women.  It was like a warehouse prison.  It was dark, lit only by small lamps and the reflections of light from those lamps in the numerous puddles throughout the building.  The floor had blood on it in places, as did the walls, and it smelled like urine.  The friend I was with told me that one of the women who lived there had lost her temper the night before, so there was blood splatter all over a wall.  We got to the main dormitory, and it was...scary.  There were massive gothic beds covered in oddly lush rags, floor-to-ceiling windows, and everything was filthy, black, and dripping.  There were puddles everywhere.  It was hot and humid and smelled both rotten and stale.  Most of the women were in beds.  Eventually they started leaving their beds... and I noticed that from the knees down, their legs and feet were rotting.  They were yellow and the skin was coming off.  It was like what happens to diabetics, but much, much worse.  One of the women took out a razor and was shaving her rotting leg... and thankfully I woke up at this point.

Don't know why I needed to write that down... but there it is.

I like books

It's been a nice couple weeks since classes have ended.  I'm currently signed up for the web design and intro networking course, as well as both cisco courses.  I'm fairly certain it's time to just drop those cisco courses until I know a bit more about machines.  It's too much money I don't have for such a big risk...gotta get the background in so that I can be successful.  Bleh.  Probably should call the damn school, too...to see if I can get into a fiction writing course.

I am so tired right now...for no good reason.  Oliver went to sleep at 7:30 tonight, which is miraculous, but has left me sitting here with nothing to do.  It's just weird.  He did fairly well at story time today.  He did the craft, and wandered through the story area a couple times.  He only threw a tiny fit.  The more we go, the better he does, though... soooo we'll keep at it :)

Anyway... I'm actually here to talk about reading.  The last couple weeks have been spent playing catch-up.  There's this sense of urgency that comes near the end of semesters...this NEED to devour every book that I WANT to read as quickly as I possibly can...because I know that once the next semester starts, I won't have time to read for pleasure anymore.  The need is stronger this year than it's ever been.  Somehow I think it's because I'm taking a somewhat different approach...while I am reading for pleasure, I'm also reading for research.  As I read, I'm picking apart the story...picking apart all the little details and asking myself why the author did certain things.  I'm thinking about what works...and what doesn't.  In addition to all the YA dystopic fiction, I'm also reading books on writing.  And blogs...and other articles... pretty much anything I can get my virtual hands on.  I've been reading about character-driven vs. plot-driven and how to write good query letters.  It's consuming...in such a good way.

Here are the books I've read so far:
 

I started my summer reading with the Hunger Games trilogy... and I am so beyond in love with the story and the characters.  Collins created characters that mattered.  I really cared about them.  The story was so emotional.  I don't know how many times it made me cry...but I do know that I was completely crushed when I finished the last book.  It wasn't the story, but that it was over.  I've only ever felt that once before - with HP.  These books are amazing  Starting with the best and going on from there may not have been a great decision; everything I read now is just all right.  I actually felt guilty when starting Matched because I felt that it was too soon...like I was betraying the memory of the characters.

Also, since there's going to be a movie (that will no doubt pale in comparison to the books), I feel it necessary to get this out there: TEAM PEETA!

The Mortal Instruments books aren't terrible, but I really feel like City of Fallen Angels was unnecessary... and the next two books will also be unnecessary.  City of Glass ended in a good place...the story felt over.  I have to admit, though, that I read spoilers about the series because there was an element that I found completely disgusting.  I couldn't go on reading...I got almost through City of Bones, but had to know how it ended because...it was gross.  There is just no way I could have kept going otherwise.  I am curious about the new series the author is working on... but not sure I'll get the first book any time soon.

Matched was...bland.  I'll read the next books when they come out, but I'm not eagerly anticipating them.  There was nothing particularly unique about the story or the characters.  The dystopia was pretty average, the characters didn't have much depth, and the love triangle was too plain.  I'm going to keep reading though, because I know the author got a six-figure advance...so it's good research.  I don't think the shallowness of it all would be too noticeable to a 15yr old girl, and since that's the target audience, it's probably a very successful book.

Anyway... Now I'm reading this:

I've only read about 50 pages, and I'm not hooked yet.  We'll see.

I want to read this series:

But only because I really like the author...and want to see if these stories and characters are as real and meaningful as those in the Hunger Games.

All this talk of reading has made me want to read...now.  G'night :)

Rest.

This poor little laptop of mine has had a rough couple weeks.  It freaked out, which resulted in a format... it hasn't been that stressful this time around as I'm now more than used to the whole process.  I also had plenty of time to back things up.  Blah.  Now it's tired and hot...and sitting here, still on... because I'm updating all the crap that needs updating: service packs and whatnot.  It really wants to be shut down to rest.

My classes are over now... Somehow I managed to pass that religion class (shocking, as I had no interest in participating)... and I got an A in my the computer class.  Despite the A, I don't think I learned much.  I emailed the Cisco teacher a bit ago to ask whether or not my knowledge of computers is adequate for the courses or if it'd be wise for me to take some more background classes first.  I hope the teacher is honest.  As of right now, I can get into a basic networking class and a web design class, if I add them now, and drop both Cisco classes.  I guess I also hope that the Cisco teacher gets back to me while I can still back out and have something to fall back on :)  It's sooooo nice to know that I won't have to participate in any discussions again until August, though.  Now I can just focus on the depressing task of job hunting.  That's going just as well as ever.  At least the librarian in Tombstone responded to my email, though... usually I just get ignored when I email people directly to ask for jobs.  That's probably not the best way to do things, but that's what it's come to now...

Maybe I'll write on a piece of cardboard and go sit by Safeway while Oliver's at his dad's... "Will work for reasonable pay and within the fair labor standards set forth by the state and federal labor laws...Legal jobs only.  Would like benefits, 401k, vacation time, sick/family time, and tuition reimbursement."  I'd need a big piece of cardboard.

For the next couple days, I'm going to rest and read things I want to read.

Speaking of rest... my sweet chocolate-covered Oliver is asleep on the couch behind me.  He's so cute :)  I'll have to wake him up in 8 minutes though... I don't like it when he sleeps past 5.  Then he can come outside and help me water all the plants.  There'll be a little fit when that's done and it's time to come inside...because he never, ever wants to come inside.

It's been a...tiring...couple days.  I've been doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred, and it's only taken 3 times for
me to get used to it. Apart from not liking Jillian, I have to agree with all the people who complained of knee pain after doing these workouts.  After the first workout, I genuinely felt as though I'd had my ass handed to me.  I walked like an old lady for a day.  Luckily, that only happened once.  So far.  Right now the only thing that hurts is my knees.  Jillian says "buddy" too much... she also says "phone it in" too much.  There's a lot more focus on the upper body than anywhere else.  I don't really have too many issues with my arms/shoulders and have quite a few issues with everything else...lol...so I think I'd benefit from a bit more focus on...those areas.  So much of the talking on this DVD is completely unnecessary and, honestly, annoying.  The pain I felt the day after the first workout is the only thing that's keeping me going.  I'll make it the 30 days, and if there's some kind of noticeable difference, I'll try out some other Jillian workouts.  I want to try No More Trouble Zones, but my endurance level is so unbelievably low that I really think I'm best off sticking to just one thing for the time being.  I think when I do this workout tomorrow, I'll mute it and play some normal music.

So...yesterday was Game 7 for the Red Wings and the Sharks... I was beyond excited for the game... waited alllll day, and missed watching The Vampire Diaries finale when it aired just so that I could see the whole game.  And the Wings lost :(  I could have cried... but just moped around a bit and then went to bed.  I blame American Idol, because we all need to have our superstitions.  James sang Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" and was voted off the show... as any good hockey fan knows, that's the Red Wings anthem.  I also think Oliver should have watched the game with me...but he chose to jump on grandma's bed instead.  :|  I've decided to devote myself to the Canucks for the next series, only because I want them to completely destroy the Sharks.

I've never mentioned the hockey thing here, have I?  I had a friend in middle school/high school who was from Detroit... the only good thing that ever came from that friendship is my near-obsession with the Red Wings and hockey in general.  I've taught Oliver to chant "lets go Red Wings!" and it's adorable.

Also... I finished watching Lost...finally.  I'm not sure how I could have felt if I didn't know how it ended already.  Because I knew the ending all along, I think my interpretation of the show and expectations were very different than they would have been had I watched it blindly.  I've heard a lot of criticism about the last episode...criticism about the religiosity of it all... The thing is, it was very present throughout the entire show.  Typically, anything with an overtly religious theme is offensive to me...I stopped watching Glee after their religious episode.  I stuck it out with this, though... because it was cliffhanger after cliffhanger.  Regardless of whether or not I became attached to the characters, I really wanted to see what happened next... and how they got to the end that I knew was coming.  Sadly, I didn't really become too attached to anyone.  All the little scenes in the last episode of memories got to me, though.  And... I think the ending was right and that it came at the right time.  How else could it have ended??  It took a very long time to finish this series...but I'm glad I got through it.  Seasons 2 and 3 were so blah that I almost gave up.  :)

There was something else I wanted to talk about...

OH!  The Vampire Diaries... I finally got to it today.  Sadly, it wasn't as dramatic as I'd hoped.  The one death I'd been hoping for didn't happen.  There were reconciliations...which is nice in a season finale... but I guess I was expecting more of the unexpected from a show that typically keeps me on my toes.  At least there are plenty of things to wonder about for next season :)

ANYWAY... Oliver woke up on his own, right on time.  He's now sitting on my lap watching my type this.  Blogging is probably pretty boring for a 2-year-old, so I think we'll go tend to the garden and then make some stir fry.  :)

A day of realizations...

This morning, while laying half awake, I watched an old Looney Toons episode.  Watching it relieved me of one of my main sources of mom guilt - the fact that Oliver likes Family Guy.  He mostly likes it for the theme song, but has watched more than a few minutes of many, many episodes.  Now I don't feel bad about it anymore.  In this morning's Looney Toons, Bugs Bunny got high... and most of the characters died violent deaths more than a few times.  Apparently, that's the kind of programming I grew up with... and to the best of my knowledge, I'm not a serial killer.  Family Guy (with the possible exception of that episode where Stewie uses a blow torch on Brian) is pretty tame in comparison... So yeah, there's one lesson learned...and one bit of mom guilt gone.

I went on to feel super accomplished!  This morning I finished my presentation and took a final in my religion class.  I'm as good as done...just have to go comment some more :)  It'll be so nice when I never have to set virtual foot in that class again.

Then, after feeling that great sense of accomplishment, I decided I'd reward myself with a shower...and then I'd make some cupcakes (which would also serve as a reward).  I got myself together and went to shower... was about to step into the shower...grabbed the shower curtain... and then, right at eye-level, was a huge spider.  Evidently, it does not matter how many times you yell, "fuck!!!" while jumping around a bathroom naked...that alone will not kill a spider.  If only profanity were deadly to arachnids.  I got my clothes back on and found the only thing under the sink that I thought might have the power to kill...oven cleaner.  It took a LOT of oven cleaner... and a lot more yelling of profanities and hopping around.  Eventually, 20 minutes later, the spider's corpse dropped from the shower curtain.  I then smashed until no parts were recognizable.  Now, as I am one of those people with a very solid irrational fear when it comes to spiders (arachnophobia is not a strong enough word for what I have), I am convinced that spiders have very large, very vengeful families.  As a result, I won't be showering today.  I might not pee, either.

And, after that fiasco... particularly the being naked and trying to make an escape... I've decided that cupcakes are probably not in my best interest.  Unless I really want to reward myself with additional fat, that is.  I'm considering an air and water diet.  If I get any fatter, I'll be deserving of my own zip code.  And the real bitch of all this is, no matter how much I want to work out...the fact that I'd need a shower after and am currently afraid of my bathroom is sort of winning.

I guess it's time to finish season 5 of Lost...

Oh! Easter happened, didn't it?

I suppose I should at least mention the festivities of yesterday, right?  Yes, I know that technically TODAY is zombie Jesus day, but Oliver isn't home today... so we did everything yesterday.

Oliver woke up bright and early, and found his basket of stuff on the coffee table.  In true Oliver form, he wasn't sure what to do with it.  It took quite a while to get him into all of it...and it was mostly toys, because I think that having excessive amounts of candy in the house is bad for both of us!  I've also decided that he's going to be getting tooth brushes for Easter every year...so that I'll feel a little better about the sugary stuff, I guess.  Also, he really likes them.

I put a few M&Ms in plastic eggs...and he shook them.  He was thrilled when he found out there was candy inside... he likes M&Ms.  I like M&Ms too, because I can really regulate how much he's getting.  Same goes for jelly beans.  He doesn't feel ripped off, and I don't feel like I'm feeding him too much crap.  I got him one big chocolate rabbit.  He hasn't eaten it yet.  I sort of figure I'll strip him down to his diaper and give it to him outside.  He won't finish it...but the mess will be spectacular!  There were 2 Reeces pieces carrot-shaped things...and he tried to eat through the bag, so I took them away.  He also got some peeps, and was very excited about them, but forgot that they were food....and that was it for edibles.

I also got him some ZhuZhu pets.  A racoon and a green hamster.  They're adorable!  Oliver runs from them and claims to be scared.  I'm not sure he's actually scared, because he's the one who turns them on, and he'll help them when they get stuck on the edge of the carpet or against a wall... but he's adorable when he runs away from them anyway.  He also got a couple Matchbox cars...and loved them.  He lost interest in everything else for a while because of them.  There were some bubbles (one bottle of the colored kind...cool looking, but a bit too messy) and a beach ball.  He loved the ball...we played catch for a very long time.

The thing I was most excited about was the Crayola marker set that makes metallic pictures.  It's some kind of special paper/marker combo that makes whatever you draw all shiny.  The advertising got to me... I admit it... I thought the little kid with the robot costume looked awesome.  Anyway, it's like $8 for 18 sheets of paper and 5 markers (Amazon says $15, ouch...don't buy it there!).  The markers are ambiguously colored, for the most part (the yellow and orange both look a lot like tan...until you draw with them).  The results ARE metallic...they look cool...BUT!  There is a huge problem with them - they smudge like crazy.  It's not just for a minute, either.  They still smudged about and HOUR after we finished coloring.  I just picked up one of the pictures, and was able to wipe the color right off... and it's been a full 24 hours.  Also, the paper doesn't lay flat.  after about 10 minutes of being out of the plastic wrapping, it curls up into a tube.  And to make matters worse, Oliver wasn't at all impressed.  He was into it for a full 5 minutes and then went right back to playing with his cars.  Needless to say, we probably won't be getting any more of these sets.

Anyway... I wanted to hide eggs all over the back yard for Oliver to hunt.  I had filled a bunch of little plastic eggs with jelly beans (well, put 4 or 5 in each) and was all ready to hide 'em... but nature had other ideas.  We have a tree that is particularly delicious to bees...and the whole thing was covered with bees.  I don't mean a few bees.  I mean the entire tree was covered with hundreds...maybe a thousand...bees.  So, the back yard was avoided for the whole day.  Oliver loves being outside, so that was awful.  I ended up hiding the eggs in the carport.  Grandma has enough crap out there that there were plenty of places to hide things.  He loved it :)

Then it was time to dye eggs.  I think this activity was a bit beyond the kid... he loves to sit on the counter and be my helper when I make bread or anything else.  He didn't seem to love to sit on the counter and be told to put down the cups of dye every couple seconds.  He chose the colors for the eggs, but didn't do any more.  He didn't even want to put stickers on them.  I wonder if he'll want to eat them...

Speaking of eating... I made a ham.  I've never made a ham before, so I decided to keep it simple and not do any glazing or anything else...just stick it in the oven and wait.  I got the thing not even knowing if I like ham.  It's literally been years since I've eaten one.  I tend to avoid pig products, and with the exception of a couple bites of a not-so-great zoo hotdog, I haven't eaten pork at all in years.  Anyway, as it turns out, I like ham.  And so does Oliver!  He's not a big meat eater...but he ate every bite of ham I gave him...cleaned his plate, actually!  I was shocked...but happy :)  It's always nice when he eats the food I put in front of him and seems to really like it :)

Now that I've written more than 2000 words today, I think I'll go do something else.  I have some fencing to put up in the yard, and some plants to move...and some rabbits to scare off, I'm sure.  Oh, and there's always the homework... blah.  Being a professional student is really a bummer sometimes.  It's better than being a professional something else, but still.  The more I learn, the less I know.  I want to take something practical, like carpentry or welding...welding would probably give me migraines.  But, carpentry would be very useful.  Maybe some mechanic classes would be good, too.  Some basic medical stuff would be great... like how to give stitches and treat chemical burns...how to set a broken bone or pop one back in if it's been dislocated.  I know how to write a research paper, but only have a vague understanding of how electricity works.  After my computer class and finding out more about how computers do what they do...how much stuff is going on at once...how much stuff has to happen for anything to happen at all... well, now I'm inclined to believe that computers are magic.  Also, my religion class is turning me into a more active atheist than ever before.  I want to start movements and revolutions and stuff... because I don't want my kid to have to pledge allegiance to anything...and because I don't want to send him off to school hoping for a solid education in rational scientific evaluation and have him come home to tell me that his teacher told them about god or creationism or something like that.

OK!  Really gonna go do something else now.  Really.  I am.  And it won't be Farmville.  I swear.