Bleh. I have dislikes.

Wanna know how to make me really upset??  Turn off my AC, drop me from my classes because I haven't paid (when I would have...had I not been charged out of state tuition), fail to return phone calls, claim my paperwork never arrived, force me to RE-SEND paperwork, and don't answer the phone when I call to confirm receipt...And be sure to do this on what will at some point be day 1 of my period.

Today has been positively blissful.

There's one day each month when I seriously wonder why I need/want more kids...because I really don't want my uterus.  It's this painful sack of uselessness, hanging out in my guts, completely unoccupied.  It angrily sheds its lining...and as a result, I get to spend a day curled up in a ball wishing for menopause.  Then I remember my reasoning...I'm too smart to have just one kid.  Those who should not be breeding are those who do it most (crackheads...teenagers...morons...super-religious-freaks)...which means there are far too many unwanted, uncared-for, little zealots with limited potential running around.  There is no nature vs. nurture...it takes both.  My children are genetically predisposed to be intelligent and healthy.  Due to my parenting style and personal belief system, my kids will be open-minded, genuine, loving, and independent.  People like me (and I don't mean to sound like a narcissist, but what I really mean is intelligent people with more than a high school education...particularly those who have a graduate degree or beyond) typically do not procreate.  We wait.  We wait until the timing is right...we try to find the perfect genetic match...we want to have a certain amount of investment property or just the right SUV.  Or we have one trophy child who grows up to be completely neurotic.  I know I'm over-thinking it...I really am just trying to justify my love of new baby scent.  AND at the same time, I'm gonna do my part to ensure Idiocracy doesn't become a reality.

But... the AC is fixed...my kid is adorable...and we're going for a walk in a bit.  I guess things aren't THAT bad.

Or not...Oliver just learned how to open his crayons...or, well...MY crayons.  I anticipate a mess in the next few minutes.  :)

Sitting here with a Pepsi and not much else.

Life is incredibly boring when my Oliver isn't here.  My mom's turning into a hoarder and I can't stand it...BUT at least True Blood was great tonight.  I'm really starting to like Eric.  I almost find him attractive...which is weird, because blondes just don't do it for me.  I also watched Confessions of a Shopaholic this morning...and it was mediocre, but the leading man may well be the most attractive guy I've seen in a movie in a very long time.  I believe I said that the first time I saw the movie, too :)

I am in the worst mood today, though... not quite sure what it is, but I'm just venomous.  I want to break something...it's tiring...might be why I wanna go to bed at 7:40.  This is probably because Oliver isn't here to make the day happy.  How did I ever exist without my kid!?

And why am I blogging? I have nothing to say...I said everything on facebook today.  :)

a review....of sorts. ****spoiler alert****

Maybe I'm a very callus person.  I dunno...it's possible.  9-11 never had any emotional impact on me.  I always figured that it was because I'm simply not capable of comprehending something on that scale....and it's quite possible that's the case.  Today's the first time I actually cried over something '9-11-related'...and oddly, it was a movie that had only had something to do with it for a moment.

I just finished watching Remember Me.  The funny thing...I *knew* how the movie ended before watching it...which is probably why it took a good 10 attempts to finally get through the whole thing - it's tough to get in the mood for a sad movie.  I just thought it was going to end with a different kind of death entirely.  I was betting on something tragic, yet more self-serving.  The movie wasn't amazing... and the very last scene totally should have been cut... but there were some beautiful moments throughout...particularly near the end.  The 9-11 bit...seriously just a few minutes of the movie...caught me totally off-guard but was just so perfect an end.

I really want to write more right now... but because Oliver ate a graham cracker over the keyboard at some point today, half of my keys aren't working right.  I sorta want to vacuum the laptop.

Something I read a little bit ago...and some other stuff.

I became a 'fan' of the Coffee Party Movement on Facebook a while back...and have been pleasantly surprised by the content of the posts.  While I fully admit to being a bleeding-heart liberal, I often become a little nauseated by the incessant bitching of my contemporaries.  I'm more of a "Freedom and equality for all, peace, love, happiness, etc...but please leave me the hell alone" kinda liberal, I guess.  Anyway, a post came up a little bit ago that I really liked.

"Imagine if we had policies and laws that prioritized happiness and well-being over productivity and profit. Consider that the Declaration of Independence mentions the right to the pursuit of happiness, not the pursuit of profit."


So...Imagine that.  Imagine 1 year paid maternity (and paternity) leave!  Forced vacations.  Less talk in the media about The War On....something... and more talk positive things happening to people.  Less focus on dollar signs and more and passions.  How many people would REALLY be doing what they're currently doing if money weren't a consideration?  I know that since having my kid, I've been more inclined to look for and apply to jobs at soulless corporations that pay well but would leave me emotionally crippled.  Wouldn't it be nice if the focus was on real, individual people instead of assets and earnings?  


In other news, I FINALLY have a job interview!  :)  I am very VERY excited!!!  It isn't at one of those soulless companies, either.  It's at the local behavioral health facility... even though I don't believe I'd be doing much direct interaction with clients, at least at the end of the day I'll still feel like I was a part of something worthwhile.  The pay is about half of what I'm worth, but right now I'm focusing on what'll be close to home and give me the most possible time with my kid.  Childcare will still be a bit complicated, as will transportation...but I'm sure that everything will come together when it's right.


The most difficult thing about potentially rejoining the workforce actually has nothing at all to do with working.  I quite like having a job and interacting with people.  I'm just not looking forward to spending any amount of time away from my son.  It isn't that I don't trust the people who'll be watching him... it's just that I've been here every single day for nearly 16 months...watching every bit of development as it happens... I am going to miss so much.  I just have to remind myself that by going to work, I'll be putting him in a position to develop further providing him the means to do so....it just breaks my heart knowing I won't be there for everything anymore :(  Where oh where is my winning lottery ticket?!  


Back to the first point... if money weren't a consideration, I'd be an artist and a writer...and I'd have a few more kids... and I'd just stay home all day completely indulging my kids.  It'd be awesome.  


Oliver is a pretty loquacious little thing lately.  He's learned to say 'butt'...and does so while smacking people in the butt.  It seems that he's trying to form sentences, and come up with the proper names for things.  He saw a trash truck the other morning and said 'trash truck car' (tra tru cah).  


He's still using food to lubricate his fingers so that he can stick them farther up his nose.


He's also a total little lover.  I worried what he'd be like with little babies because...they're little...and he's not exactly gentle with the cat.  I found out over the weekend, though.  One day we went to visit a little boy who is 8 months old, and Oliver was a big helper baby.  He tried to pick the younger boy up and tried to help him walk.  His efforts usually ended with both babies falling over, but it was pretty cute.  It was also a nice realization that my kid likes littler kids.  The next day we went to visit an old friend from high school who recently had a baby girl.  Oliver was smitten.  I held the 1-month old beautiful baby girl...and Oliver kissed her over and over and over.  It was absolutely precious.


Anyway.... this is taking a very long time... and I'd rather be watching Oliver eat a plout.  

Decaf Thoughts...

Today I've rescued a bunny and realized that my breasts make me feel like a liar.  What a way to start a day, right?

The bunny was being tortured by my cat... it was a tiny little bunny, probably just a couple weeks old.  I got the cat away, and threw her into the house.  Then I trapped the bunny and carried it off into the desert.  I checked it out as well as I could, and it wasn't too broken up on the outside.  There was on little (looking) gash on its neck, but I don't know how deep it went.  The poor thing was shaking and terrified, though...and I don't know the extent of the internal damage.  It hopped off into the mesquite just fine, but that means very little.  I'm fairly sure that it won't survive... but its chances out there are far better than any chance it'd have in the house, despite any injuries.  Ugh.  I'm so mad at that cat... and I know it's instinct making her go after fuzzy cute things... but still.  Both neighbors have chihuahuas and I'd be fine with those being brunch.

And now, to lighten the mood...I'll talk about my boobs.  The other day I mentioned to a friend that the guys who shop at Safeway are much better looking than those who shop at Walmart.  Just a few minutes ago I was trying to decide on a movie, but figured that I'd just watch Eclipse again because it's full of pretty guys...at least that won't disappoint me.  So, that same friend said I should just go hang out at Safeway.  I don't think that's too bad of an idea.  I haven't pumped yet, so I'm very full of milk...making me deceptively well-endowed.  I wouldn't have to bother with a shower or anything else if I wore something low-cut...because no one would notice anything else.  But, then I realize how much of a liar that makes me.  Technically, these are my boobs.  They're not fake...but they are loaners.  Once Oliver is done with them, they'll probably go back to what they were before...which really wasn't much.  :|  Or perhaps I should feel less like a liar and instead use it because I know I WILL lose it.

I had so much to talk about a couple hours ago when I started writing this, and now I lack the motivation to write anything.  <3

A day in the life of...

I was awoken very abruptly this morning...not by the usual whacks in the head from Oliver, but by screaming. As that has never happened before, I was sort of scared. Screaming and fear are not good ways to wake up. Oliver was awake and sitting beside me, sort of dazed still. I shook off the sleep and realized that my mom was screaming at a cat out in the carport. Our cat. Who had just killed a baby bunny. I had quite a few thoughts about that... first, I hoped that the corpse would be gone before we got out there. I didn't want Oliver to try to play with it, y'know? I also wondered why the cat never killed anything that should be killed. She doesn't kill spiders. She doesn't kill sun scorpions. She doesn't kill mice...except the one kangaroo mouse last summer... that she found somewhere outside and BROUGHT INSIDE. The only positive thing I could come up with is that, at least this baby bunny wasn't someone's pet...like the last one. I wondered about the situation from the cat's perspective, too. I bet she feels pretty upset at the way her gifts are interpreted... how she is yelled at and punished for headless lizards and random bits and pieces of unknown furry animals...and how the gifts are unceremoniously sopped up in paper towels and Walmart bags and tossed in the trash.

I never saw the bunny. Evidently it screamed :(

There was also this dream induced funk that I had some trouble shaking for about half of the morning. I had considerably more morning than usual, though, so it did happen. I hate it when I know I was dreaming something absolutely horrible but don't remember what... and the icky feelings from it hang on after I wake up. It's much more difficult to reconcile something like that if you don't have any memory of how the feeling came about.

So...I cleaned. For a while. I removed cat-hair covered stuff and swept up cat hair and vacuumed cat hair. Oliver really tried to help...he followed me around with his swiffer :) The house looked decent by 9:30. I don't recall much else until our shopping trip.

FINALLY, after weeks of waiting...and wishing at least one local store would come through, I got the Huggies jean diapers.
Seeing that Amazon link makes me think I should have just ordered them a couple weeks ago, because that's a much MUCH better price. The diapers are pretty cute! They smell a little more like plastic/chemicals than Huggies Snug & Dry, which is what we usually get because they have almost no smell. For the first few months, we used Pampers Sensitive Swaddlers. Once Oliver outgrew the Swaddlers, we had to switch to Huggies because I couldn't stand the smell of any of the other Pampers diapers. We got one box of Luvs...I don't know whatever happened to them. We used one, but the smell was so overwhelming that I just couldn't put another one on my kid... such a shame, too, because they're a lot less expensive. I haven't tried the Walmart or Safeway brands...or any other store brands. So anyway... jean diapers seem pretty decent. I might order another box online. :)  Here's my boy, passed out on the couch in his *designer* diaper.

True Blood just started. I'm having real difficulties with this and Twilight right now. With Eclipse coming out in a couple days, I've watched both movies again this week. Because I've been watching/read True Blood, I've been having trouble keeping the stories straight. They're pretty much the same... There are vampires and werewolves. The star vampire looks pained. The girl dating the star vampire is a moron. Someone can read minds. There's some violence. The only real difference is the sex. True Blood is a free-for-all...Twilight is all about tension. Eric is hot, though. I liked Bill at first, but he's just too dumb. And Jacob is hot in the movie, but so annoying in the books. Ugh. Are all vampire stories full of morons??

Anyway.

Oliver has learned to pretend quite well :)  He can prepare a meal and serve or eat it...and drink pretend drinks.  :)  It's very cute!  He's just such a smart little boy...I swear he's learning new stuff every couple seconds.  He doesn't yet try to feed his stuffed animals...he'll hug his bubba bear and give him to me.  When I was little (not quite so little as Oliver), I thought my stuffed animals were cold...so I put them right up close to the heater.  They burned.  Somewhere I have a little stuffed sheep with a burnt butt.  I would love for my son to have that much compassion, but would also like for him to have the foresight to avoid burning his toys.  :)

Oliver also used his potty again today :)  He's such a good boy!!!  :)

It's getting kind of difficult to focus on writing while watching True Blood...soooo I'm gonna stop.

<3

I should have written yesterday...

For whatever reason, I was full of information and insight yesterday...and today I am not. I spent a good deal of time working on getting freelancing projects, I watched a movie, played a word game, and read a little bit of Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything.
It's an excellent book, so far. I had a near-complete breakdown 10 pages in though... Reading something that requires some degree of deep thought when tired is very frustrating. I don't think I'm capable of contemplating the concept of nothing after 8pm. Reading about physics and cosmology is exactly what I need to stop the feeling of mental decay associated with no longer being a student.

I also made a chicken casserole. I'd share the recipe, if there was one... I just threw a bunch of random veggies, some noodles, and some chicken in a casserole dish and topped it with bread sticks. Calling it a chicken casserole is really deceptive, since it's more like a garlic casserole. It wasn't intentional...and it's a good thing I love garlic. Evidently, Oliver is also a fan of garlic. The leftovers have permeated the entire fridge...AND freezer...with the potent stench of garlic...mmmmmm. :) No vampires are going to be visiting my house... :)

Yesterday Oliver and I got matching 4th of July shirts :) I was soooo happy to find out that my town is going to be celebrating on the 3rd this year. The public excuse for this is that nothing will be open on the 4th... the REAL reason is that 90% of the town's population will be at church on the 4th. For a long time I was worried that Oliver was going to be missing out on the festivities, and that made me sad...and not really want to participate myself. BUT! We'll be watching the parade...going to the water fight...wandering around a bit...and hopefully he'll get an extra good nap so that he'll be up for the fireworks! :) And hopefully this year I don't lock my keys AND phone in the car. Last year, Oliver was tiny for all of this...just 3 months old... but he did sooooo well. He LOVED the motorcycles in the parade and the fireworks...we'll see what he loves this year :)

Last night, before settling in with my book, I flipped through the channels. It seems we're having a free preview of Cinemax. I am not impressed. Well, not by the actual movies...but I am quite impressed by the cleverness of the titles for the various soft core (I think?) porns that were on... The Devil Wears Nada... Cleavagefield...Co-Ed Confidential: When Virgins Attack! (I genuinely hope that you're able to sense the sarcasm with which this paragraph is written...)

In Oliver news - A blimp flew by yesterday. It was flying pretty fast and...crazy. I've never seen one move like that...or at all, really. Oliver was very interested in it. He pointed and said 'airplane' quite a few times :)

And what else did my boy (who will be 15 months old in 2 days) do yesterday?? He peed in his potty again! :) I'm such a proud mama.

He also really likes to take out the trash...from his diaper genie or from the bathroom. He can lift the bathroom trash because it's such a tiny bag...and he'll carry it outside to the big trashcan. :) He can't lift the diaper genie bag, but he sure does try! He drags it..usually pretty far. We're also getting to the point where putting toys away is a game. He'll put away one toy at a time, but gets sidetracked a lot.

Right now he's at the door to the sun room, trying to figure out the door knob. I think that's one milestone we can skip for now :) I'd rather he learn a few new words...

OH! One more thing. Monsoons have arrived!!! :) It's tough to decide which is better: monsoons or spring... both are such amazing times in the desert...they both smell good (and I'm allergic to both). The last 2 nights have been much hotter than I'd like, but the smell of rain nearly made up for the heat. I get very nostalgic during monsoons...and spend more time than I should thinking about all the great summers I've had. Part of me so badly wants to teach just so that I can always have summers.

Well, I'm off to do more job hunting and playing.