Oliver is afraid of owls. At least, he says he is. He talks about where owls are, and how he would rather not be in the same places.
I'm not afraid of owls, but I do have complicated emotions when it comes to the dark, coyotes, and bugs. Just a few minutes ago, I was relaxing in bed. I guess I was trying to watch Seinfeld, but it's hard to do with a pack of coyotes outside the window. An ambulance broke things up for a few minutes, but once whatever the fuss at the other end of the street was dealt with, the yipping and howling rose up again. And then I remembered my first real fears.
When I was little, 3 or 4 years old, we lived out in the country. In the summer, we'd sleep with windows open and screen doors letting the night breeze fill the house. We also had dimmer switches in a few rooms - my bedroom being one. I was terrified of the dark, and slept with the light dimmed about half way. Moths and what I assume to have been all forms of winged monsters gathered on the ceiling of my room, right above my bed. If I slept (or tried to sleep) on my back, I would see the bugs. That didn't work for me.
I tried sleeping on my stomach, but my bed was right under the one window I had...overlooking the front yard. On a clear night when the moon was full, it was a massacre. The coyotes would gather to eat our cats. They'd roam the lawn in silence. It was chilling.
So those were my choices: the bugs on the ceiling, or the coyotes on the lawn. I vividly remember many a night hiding under my sheet, swatting at things that I thought were crawling on me, doing everything I could to keep my eyes closed. After all, when you're a kid, the dangers are less real if you keep your eyes closed. Sometimes I'd cry. Sometimes I was too scared to sleep, and instead, I passed out from exhaustion.
I'm the grown-up now, and I protect my little one from the owls... he says, "there's nothing to be scared of" as he walks down the dark hall to go to bed. He talks about the ghosts and the owls and the bats. He's a tough kid, but I wonder if he'd tell me if something really scared him. I never told my parents about the bugs or the coyotes.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Storyteller
I came here with the intention of writing something much more meaningful...and instead I wrote the previous entry...a work-related rant. Boo.
The other day I was asked a very simple question, and yet... it's changed something in me. "How's the book coming?" A person I hardly know at all is aware that I'm writing something. I felt a bit of fear...pride, too, but there was some fear. I've admitted to myself and to others that I am writing. There's an expectation out there... and apparently it's no longer just my own.
There was a bit of unexpected good fortune in my writing class - those students who are working on a longer piece are able to submit the first chapter in place of a short story. I had so hoped to be able to use this class as a method of fleshing things out. I want more feedback. I want some insight... the first book is still my stumbling point. If only I could start with book two...I already know that world. Creating a whole world is difficult...much more difficult that I'd imagined. A small-scale world is one thing...a town, a house, a park... this is a whole world, its universe...the feel, the look, the people... it's every little thing that makes it real. I can see it so clearly, and I know a few of the people who live there, but I don't know the world; I don't know the rules.
Oddly, despite the lack of a world for my characters to toil in, I am feeling confident.
My biggest fear with the class is that I have to tell my class how the story ends. I've given details to 3 people...but haven't told them the most important thing about the story. If I'm not even able to tell people I trust, how can I tell all these strangers?? It's too close to me. If I believed in souls, this'd be a part of mine.
Anyway... I'm trying to avoid getting Oliver's current illness... The effort is entirely futile, but it's best that I sleep now anyway. Monday morning always comes too soon.
The other day I was asked a very simple question, and yet... it's changed something in me. "How's the book coming?" A person I hardly know at all is aware that I'm writing something. I felt a bit of fear...pride, too, but there was some fear. I've admitted to myself and to others that I am writing. There's an expectation out there... and apparently it's no longer just my own.
There was a bit of unexpected good fortune in my writing class - those students who are working on a longer piece are able to submit the first chapter in place of a short story. I had so hoped to be able to use this class as a method of fleshing things out. I want more feedback. I want some insight... the first book is still my stumbling point. If only I could start with book two...I already know that world. Creating a whole world is difficult...much more difficult that I'd imagined. A small-scale world is one thing...a town, a house, a park... this is a whole world, its universe...the feel, the look, the people... it's every little thing that makes it real. I can see it so clearly, and I know a few of the people who live there, but I don't know the world; I don't know the rules.
Oddly, despite the lack of a world for my characters to toil in, I am feeling confident.
My biggest fear with the class is that I have to tell my class how the story ends. I've given details to 3 people...but haven't told them the most important thing about the story. If I'm not even able to tell people I trust, how can I tell all these strangers?? It's too close to me. If I believed in souls, this'd be a part of mine.
Anyway... I'm trying to avoid getting Oliver's current illness... The effort is entirely futile, but it's best that I sleep now anyway. Monday morning always comes too soon.
Worker Bee.
I've learned some things in the last six months that I could have gone a lifetime without knowing. In fact, I wish I didn't know...
I wish I didn't know that one stinky person is able to make an 8000 square-foot building smell so bad it makes your eyes water. A few stinky people at once is probably someone's hell. It's pretty close to that for me. I have a low threshold for such things. How do you tell someone that they're making you feel an almost uncontrollable urge to dry-heave over a trash can?
A while back we got a book about crafting with cat hair. I'm serious. Felted cat hair finger puppets. It's pretty fantastic. But, after checking in books for...all this time...I've decided that we need a Crafting with Patron Hair book.
I'm also genuinely appalled by the things that people seem to think library books are used for... a library book is not a plate or a coaster, yet they so often come back with bits of food stuck inside the pages and the tell-tale coffee cup-sized circle of dried liquid on the cover. I would really like to NEVER again have to ask myself, or anyone else, "Is this chocolate or...?" I'd be so happy if I never again found a piece of toilet paper being used as a bookmark. At least I haven't yet had the thrill of picking a condom out of a book.
It's upsetting.
What little tolerance I had for people is quickly fading. I do have my moments of being genuinely friendly, but it's tough. I like the books far more than I like the people.
I wish I didn't know that one stinky person is able to make an 8000 square-foot building smell so bad it makes your eyes water. A few stinky people at once is probably someone's hell. It's pretty close to that for me. I have a low threshold for such things. How do you tell someone that they're making you feel an almost uncontrollable urge to dry-heave over a trash can?
A while back we got a book about crafting with cat hair. I'm serious. Felted cat hair finger puppets. It's pretty fantastic. But, after checking in books for...all this time...I've decided that we need a Crafting with Patron Hair book.
I'm also genuinely appalled by the things that people seem to think library books are used for... a library book is not a plate or a coaster, yet they so often come back with bits of food stuck inside the pages and the tell-tale coffee cup-sized circle of dried liquid on the cover. I would really like to NEVER again have to ask myself, or anyone else, "Is this chocolate or...?" I'd be so happy if I never again found a piece of toilet paper being used as a bookmark. At least I haven't yet had the thrill of picking a condom out of a book.
It's upsetting.
What little tolerance I had for people is quickly fading. I do have my moments of being genuinely friendly, but it's tough. I like the books far more than I like the people.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
I see the sun peeking...
Literally and figuratively. It's probably going to be a pretty fantastic day outside...I'll be inside for the most part, though. I'm on day 4 of whatever illness this is, and I'm thoroughly tired of being sick. Getting a job is supposed to be a good thing, full of new goodness and new money...but it's hard to get either of those things when you also get new illnesses that keep you firmly placed on your couch, rather than in your place of employment. In an effort to change the pace of this last week and a half, I've decided to write about the good aspects of all that's gone wrong.
First and foremost, I'd like to address this random illness. My inner ears have always given me issues...from room-spinning dizziness to throat infections. It's not much fun, but it does lead to weight loss in the new year! It's really hard to eat in a spinning room...and the results are often exactly as one would expect. While illness may not be my preferred method, it's a method none the less. And let's face it, most women secretly (and some publicly) wish to drop a few pounds each January. I'm not one for resolutions, but I'll take a happy coincidence any time :)
The POS car breaking down at the grocery store...after I got produce and frozen foods... well, that could have been much worse. My mom had planned to drive that car to Tucson over the weekend, and it would have been much more complicated getting it towed from there to a place that would have been closed. And she didn't end up stranded in Tucson. And I found out just how quick and well AAA works. But I think the most important thing I learned from that is that my son is a real trooper. He didn't whine AT ALL. He was stuck sitting in a hot car, and all he asked for was a drink. He didn't cry, he didn't kick the seat... When we got out to let the tow truck do its thing, he watched with quiet excitement (quite a task for a nearly 3-year-old). When we got to the mechanic, he stayed where he was supposed to stay. He read an old issue of Guns and Ammo (not really my idea of good reading material for a toddler, but whatever) and looked at model cars. He was just an absolutely perfect child. I was pretty proud... pretty impressed with his attitude.
And besides, the car is fixed now.
The lack of a hot water heater for a few days... every single shower I've had since getting the new hot water heater has been amazing. I've been much more grateful for what I have.
The blown up microwave and outlet got me a nice new microwave. The outlet is fixed, too. I still haven't figured out all the buttons, but it's pretty.
All my textbooks arrived on time, for once. I really miss shopping at the UA bookstore, but at least this semester I'm prepared. The best part of this is that I actually bought the books for my writing class, and I really like one of them. I can see myself referencing it in the future.
I've had an iPad to play with for a few days now... and I have to admit, the thing is pretty cool for Oliver. It's mostly useless for me...I can't type fast on it and it's just not fast enough for me overall. The little kid phonics games are lots of fun for Oliver, though. He likes it a lot more than I do... so maybe I'll look into other tablet-like devices and see if I can find one with similar games. There's just no way I can justify buying an iPad. It's nice to see my kid getting interested in a tech toy and actually being able to learn from it :)
Then there's the accidental 8-week writing class. For some reason, I think I knew I was signing up for an 8-week class during registration. I just completely forgot. I'm sure I thought it'd be an excellent idea, because I'd get it out of the way and have less to do in the end of the traditional semester. That's still true, and if I survive the next few weeks, it'll be nice to have a break. I wanted to be forced to write something...and now I'm REALLY forced.
There's one good thing that's happening this week that doesn't have roots in anything bad. I'm paying off a credit card. Two down, two to go! I'm very excited :)
And finally, as the room is not currently spinning, I think I'm going to have a brownie. :)
First and foremost, I'd like to address this random illness. My inner ears have always given me issues...from room-spinning dizziness to throat infections. It's not much fun, but it does lead to weight loss in the new year! It's really hard to eat in a spinning room...and the results are often exactly as one would expect. While illness may not be my preferred method, it's a method none the less. And let's face it, most women secretly (and some publicly) wish to drop a few pounds each January. I'm not one for resolutions, but I'll take a happy coincidence any time :)
The POS car breaking down at the grocery store...after I got produce and frozen foods... well, that could have been much worse. My mom had planned to drive that car to Tucson over the weekend, and it would have been much more complicated getting it towed from there to a place that would have been closed. And she didn't end up stranded in Tucson. And I found out just how quick and well AAA works. But I think the most important thing I learned from that is that my son is a real trooper. He didn't whine AT ALL. He was stuck sitting in a hot car, and all he asked for was a drink. He didn't cry, he didn't kick the seat... When we got out to let the tow truck do its thing, he watched with quiet excitement (quite a task for a nearly 3-year-old). When we got to the mechanic, he stayed where he was supposed to stay. He read an old issue of Guns and Ammo (not really my idea of good reading material for a toddler, but whatever) and looked at model cars. He was just an absolutely perfect child. I was pretty proud... pretty impressed with his attitude.
And besides, the car is fixed now.
The lack of a hot water heater for a few days... every single shower I've had since getting the new hot water heater has been amazing. I've been much more grateful for what I have.
The blown up microwave and outlet got me a nice new microwave. The outlet is fixed, too. I still haven't figured out all the buttons, but it's pretty.
All my textbooks arrived on time, for once. I really miss shopping at the UA bookstore, but at least this semester I'm prepared. The best part of this is that I actually bought the books for my writing class, and I really like one of them. I can see myself referencing it in the future.
I've had an iPad to play with for a few days now... and I have to admit, the thing is pretty cool for Oliver. It's mostly useless for me...I can't type fast on it and it's just not fast enough for me overall. The little kid phonics games are lots of fun for Oliver, though. He likes it a lot more than I do... so maybe I'll look into other tablet-like devices and see if I can find one with similar games. There's just no way I can justify buying an iPad. It's nice to see my kid getting interested in a tech toy and actually being able to learn from it :)
Then there's the accidental 8-week writing class. For some reason, I think I knew I was signing up for an 8-week class during registration. I just completely forgot. I'm sure I thought it'd be an excellent idea, because I'd get it out of the way and have less to do in the end of the traditional semester. That's still true, and if I survive the next few weeks, it'll be nice to have a break. I wanted to be forced to write something...and now I'm REALLY forced.
There's one good thing that's happening this week that doesn't have roots in anything bad. I'm paying off a credit card. Two down, two to go! I'm very excited :)
And finally, as the room is not currently spinning, I think I'm going to have a brownie. :)
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Return of the Bad Blogger
It's a new year and this is a new blog post! I'm doing my best to remain positive this year, and this year is raging back - saying, "I CHALLENGE YOU to keep that unnaturally cheerful disposition in the face of all I'll give you, AND raging pms." You're right, you're right...I am not a particularly cheerful person, but I am generally capable of finding the good and/or humorous side of whatever is going on. It's been getting increasingly difficult, though. Last Monday I was really not looking forward to going back to work. Having only one day off was insufficient and I was cranky. I got to the parking lot, picked up my purse, and noticed that it had cat puke all over one side. Awesome, right? The next day, the hot water heater broke. I can survive one day without a shower, and without killing anyone as a result of not having showered. At the end of that day, I was boiling water on the stove and preparing a lovely 6-inch bath for myself. This went on for a while. Please keep in mind that, with raging pms and not nearly enough chocolate on the face of the earth to calm me, saying that I was unkind would be an understatement. Looking back, I'm not sure how some people survived. Friday morning I finally got a wonderful shower, and thought that just based on that, the whole day had to be excellent. And then the dreaded monthly visitor arrived. 19 years and I still whine... Anyway, I had things to do! I had to go get a storage unit so that I can re-do Oliver's room, I needed to shop, and I wanted to take Oliver to the library. We made the rounds, but at some point I managed to lose my coffee, so we had to go back to Starbucks. Convenient, I guess, because I also needed some produce and a bag of coffee for home brewing, and Starbucks is in Safeway. I always park way out in the middle of nowhere, partially because walking across a parking lot IS exercise, and partially because I'm terrible at parking. This came in very handy when Oliver and I got back to the car...loaded it up with even more groceries...and the damn thing wouldn't start. I am so glad I have AAA. And so glad I parked in bfe, so that the tow truck could get to us... The tow truck driver was nice... Oliver thought the whole process was a huge adventure...and the fact that I wanted the car relocated to the railroad tracks and lit on fire was met with many laughs (though all concerned understood my frustration with the thing). It didn't go on the railroad tracks, and there was no ceremonial burning... but it does have to get a new fuel pump. :( I really need to buy a car.
We stayed home yesterday, to avoid anything else going terribly wrong. And also because we don't have a car until Monday afternoon. Oliver got all mucusy and fevery about half way through the day. The only really good things that happened were...um... well, the Red Wings won (always a good thing)...and I made some pretty awesome fried pickles.
Today I woke up with a massive headache. I still have the headache, and have taken motrin... and there are still tears streaming down my face because it hurts so much. My ears are stuffy. My eyes feel like they're going to pop out of my head.
Such a fun week.
At least I'm getting this out of the way early in the year.
But I think I need to lay with my eyes closed for a while...
We stayed home yesterday, to avoid anything else going terribly wrong. And also because we don't have a car until Monday afternoon. Oliver got all mucusy and fevery about half way through the day. The only really good things that happened were...um... well, the Red Wings won (always a good thing)...and I made some pretty awesome fried pickles.
Today I woke up with a massive headache. I still have the headache, and have taken motrin... and there are still tears streaming down my face because it hurts so much. My ears are stuffy. My eyes feel like they're going to pop out of my head.
Such a fun week.
At least I'm getting this out of the way early in the year.
But I think I need to lay with my eyes closed for a while...
Friday, December 16, 2011
Nearly Done...
Finally got nearly everything done. The presents are purchased, wrapped, and sitting under the tree. The laundry is nearly done. I baked 2 kinds of cookies today AND got rid of almost all of them, so that I won't find myself in a sugar coma due to my inability to stop eating them. I still have one final to do, and a big stack of xmas cards to mail...and I haven't even tried to get into the closets or the toy box yet. I have a couple long weekends coming up, though. :) I really look forward to the long weekends... and dread everything after the second week of January. It's all normal then. No nice long vacations to look forward to, no holidays... I'm sure I'll be taking some time off around Oliver's birthday, but still. There's nothing but average for quite a while.
This last week was annoying. I felt no love for the patrons... I spent most of the week working on a computer problem that almost drove me over the edge. The relief from finally solving the problem was short-lived, because once accomplished, I felt so accomplished that I was done.
Next semester I have a writing class... and I really can't wait. I'm so creatively stifled.
We're watching the new Peanuts movie, Happiness is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown. Linus sounds ok, but the other voices are a bit off. I hoped it wouldn't bother me, but...it does. It's like...a remake...but not.
Like...can you imagine if A Christmas Story was redone?? Wouldn't that be terrible??!
In Oliver news...the embarrassing moments keep coming. Last night, while walking through the store, he got a tampon out of my purse. He was waving it around at people...like it was a little light-saber...with sound effects included. Noticing that was bad enough. Turning around to see my ex standing there...well, that was embarrassing and hilarious.
Ok... I think I've gained strength through pizza...so I'm going to tackle at least one bin of toys tonight. Or maybe just get some laundry put away.
This last week was annoying. I felt no love for the patrons... I spent most of the week working on a computer problem that almost drove me over the edge. The relief from finally solving the problem was short-lived, because once accomplished, I felt so accomplished that I was done.
Next semester I have a writing class... and I really can't wait. I'm so creatively stifled.
We're watching the new Peanuts movie, Happiness is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown. Linus sounds ok, but the other voices are a bit off. I hoped it wouldn't bother me, but...it does. It's like...a remake...but not.
Like...can you imagine if A Christmas Story was redone?? Wouldn't that be terrible??!
In Oliver news...the embarrassing moments keep coming. Last night, while walking through the store, he got a tampon out of my purse. He was waving it around at people...like it was a little light-saber...with sound effects included. Noticing that was bad enough. Turning around to see my ex standing there...well, that was embarrassing and hilarious.
Ok... I think I've gained strength through pizza...so I'm going to tackle at least one bin of toys tonight. Or maybe just get some laundry put away.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
A Call for a 36-hour Day.
Or maybe a plea. Because that's what it's going to take for me to get all that I want accomplished...and only if no additional time is spent at work. Is it terrible that I still have black Friday toys in boxes? Is it terrible that, despite my best efforts, Oliver's toy box and closet and book shelves have yet to be sorted and nothing has been added to the donations box?
I got a good deal of my semester taken care of yesterday, but at some point I lost my motivation, and it's yet to return. :| What a shame...I so love networking. I still need to do my networking final... and right now I should be working on a website (or 2) and/or taking some tests. Seems I always find the time to blog when I have things I actually need to get done.
At least I managed to locate the tree...and the decorations. Oliver really enjoyed helping with that this year :)
Speaking of Oliver...and speaking of speaking... that kid is beyond entertaining lately. The other night we had a whole conversation about ghosts. He claims to see them... says they're white and don't have feet. He was a little unclear as to the size of their eyes, but says they do have eyes. At the time of the conversation, he informed me that there were no ghosts in the house, or outside... which was... comforting. I think.
He's also come up with a few other revelations. This morning he informed me, almost immediately after waking, that only little kids have penises. He didn't elaborate. Last night he said he wouldn't pee on me, so that I wouldn't have to do laundry. Considerate of him, right? Also, cats don't eat cake...or excavators... nor are they fond of coffee. He's also decided that he likes Harry Potter a lot...and this is either a testament to his bravery or my cowardice: he's watched the scene with Aragog. He's watched more than once, and is equally fascinated each time. He says the spiders are yucky and slimy. No, I have not ever watched that particular scene...I have only a vague idea as to what happens then. I agree wholeheartedly that spiders are yucky, and am glad that they aren't also slimy. Wouldn't that just make them worse?? Being THAT creepy... and leaving a trail like a slug. Or like that alien with a cold in Flight of the Navigator...
Just imagine that guy with 8 legs and way too many eyes crawling down your bedroom wall in the middle of the night. And what would happen if you had to step on it? They'd survive much better if we had to risk the loss of a pair of shoes to kill 'em.
Have I ever mentioned that I want a puckmarin?? Because I do. Not having a puckmarin OR a mogwai... talk about leftover childhood disappointments.
And that just reminded me... Oliver's been talking about Santa. I have no idea where he's getting this stuff from. I've never had any desire to tell my kid about Santa...I find the whole thing dishonest and creepy. "Yes, son, an eccentric old fat guy watches you sleep. He stalks you during the day, too... and takes notes. He enslaves both midgets and reindeer. And yes, I would like you to go sit on his lap at the mall. Oh, and by the way, he'll be breaking into the house in a couple weeks." And then later, I'll have to tell him I made it all up. I mean no offense to those of you who plan to do the whole Santa thing...really... but here's your heads up - my kid will be the one who tells his whole preschool class that Santa isn't real.
Anyway... time to figure out the new printer, clean a few rooms, and then relax with some roast and veggies. :) My house smells amazing, btw.
I got a good deal of my semester taken care of yesterday, but at some point I lost my motivation, and it's yet to return. :| What a shame...I so love networking. I still need to do my networking final... and right now I should be working on a website (or 2) and/or taking some tests. Seems I always find the time to blog when I have things I actually need to get done.
At least I managed to locate the tree...and the decorations. Oliver really enjoyed helping with that this year :)
Speaking of Oliver...and speaking of speaking... that kid is beyond entertaining lately. The other night we had a whole conversation about ghosts. He claims to see them... says they're white and don't have feet. He was a little unclear as to the size of their eyes, but says they do have eyes. At the time of the conversation, he informed me that there were no ghosts in the house, or outside... which was... comforting. I think.
He's also come up with a few other revelations. This morning he informed me, almost immediately after waking, that only little kids have penises. He didn't elaborate. Last night he said he wouldn't pee on me, so that I wouldn't have to do laundry. Considerate of him, right? Also, cats don't eat cake...or excavators... nor are they fond of coffee. He's also decided that he likes Harry Potter a lot...and this is either a testament to his bravery or my cowardice: he's watched the scene with Aragog. He's watched more than once, and is equally fascinated each time. He says the spiders are yucky and slimy. No, I have not ever watched that particular scene...I have only a vague idea as to what happens then. I agree wholeheartedly that spiders are yucky, and am glad that they aren't also slimy. Wouldn't that just make them worse?? Being THAT creepy... and leaving a trail like a slug. Or like that alien with a cold in Flight of the Navigator...
Just imagine that guy with 8 legs and way too many eyes crawling down your bedroom wall in the middle of the night. And what would happen if you had to step on it? They'd survive much better if we had to risk the loss of a pair of shoes to kill 'em.
Have I ever mentioned that I want a puckmarin?? Because I do. Not having a puckmarin OR a mogwai... talk about leftover childhood disappointments.
And that just reminded me... Oliver's been talking about Santa. I have no idea where he's getting this stuff from. I've never had any desire to tell my kid about Santa...I find the whole thing dishonest and creepy. "Yes, son, an eccentric old fat guy watches you sleep. He stalks you during the day, too... and takes notes. He enslaves both midgets and reindeer. And yes, I would like you to go sit on his lap at the mall. Oh, and by the way, he'll be breaking into the house in a couple weeks." And then later, I'll have to tell him I made it all up. I mean no offense to those of you who plan to do the whole Santa thing...really... but here's your heads up - my kid will be the one who tells his whole preschool class that Santa isn't real.
Anyway... time to figure out the new printer, clean a few rooms, and then relax with some roast and veggies. :) My house smells amazing, btw.
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