50 Questions to Free Your Mind

I thought that this was already a part of my 1001 list (dayzeroproject.com), but evidently it was not...so I just added it :)

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?  Probably about 4.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?  never trying... 
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?  because we feel obligated...or because we're afraid...or because we're waiting for something
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?  in a way, because i expect my words to be one of my greatest accomplishments
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?  no more religion
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? being a mom
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? neither at the moment... i'm in limbo
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?  i'm not sure... i think i'd work even harder to create meaningful moments with my son knowing there was so little time left
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?  i'm in control... even when the external circumstances seem to be leading the way, right now i'm making the choices about how to feel and how to proceed
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? a little of both... i'd like to do the right things, and do them right
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?  speak up...defend my friend...and probably lose some respect/admiration for the people i'm with
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?  hold on to that wonder with which you experience everything
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? yes
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? haha yes and vice versa
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? i don't know.  i don't really know how others do things.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?  thankfully we're not all interested in the same things...competition for those things would be insane, and there wouldn't be any variety.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?  write something...and i'm held back by fear, of course.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?  of course... just one thing, really...and i've mostly let go, but hold on for fear i might be wrong.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?  washington state or oregon...i have a feeling i'd be so insanely happy because of all the green stuff that i'd explode...but in a good way.  kansas to be close to family.  costa rica, italy, ireland...all beautiful places, all places with a simpler pace.  i would like somewhere like georgia or louisiana if it weren't for the people.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?  i don't...on both counts
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?  you have no idea how many times i've wished for blissful ignorance.
22. Why are you, you? because it's all i know how to be...i'm pretty happy with who i am :)
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?  sometimes.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?  they're both pretty awful...but when you lose touch with someone close by, it's often because you're evolving as people...so it may not be terrible overall.
25. What are you most grateful for? my son...catching glimpses of the world through his eyes
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? neither option is desirable.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? i don't know...some truths need challenge...some truths just are
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? yes, a few times
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?  i don't really recall any specific incidents from five years ago that were particularly upsetting...so obviously not.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?  i had a really happy childhood...i don't remember anything bad, so...all of it :)  i was loved and cared for, i never wanted for anything, i played outside all day and came home to food and a cozy bed...it was a good life :)
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? after having my son... he has pretty much renewed my life.
32. If not now, then when?  i'm good with now.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?  everything and nothing, i guess.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?  yes.  those were the nights...
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?  because they don't truly support love
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? yes...because everything has the potential to be both
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?  i don't have a job.  winning a million dollars would make me comfortable enough to be a writer, though :)
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? either. if i hate it, i don't want much of it...and if i love it, i won't mind lots of it...
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? sort of...but it doesn't get any easier :\
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?  i am not sure that i've ever done that... 
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? i'd be with my son...sorry everyone else, it's not that i don't love you...i just love him the most.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? no.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? passion
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?  i think now...now is good.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? because the lessons are often pretty hard and painful...
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?  nobody who matters does... so not much.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?  just now
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?  my kid...and yes, i do as many things as i can every day to make sure that boy knows how much he is loved :)
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?  no.  i hardly remember now :)  i might remember the basics - i took my kid to the park, i visited a friend - but i won't remember dates.
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?  as i've said before, i'm in limbo, deciding not to make decisions right now.  i'd really like to be the only one who makes decisions for me...

I can't believe THESE are the questions... I've found more insight in myspace surveys.  Sorry, creator of these questions.

the trouble with follow-through...

It seems that the older I get, the less patience I have for...everything.

Just moments ago I came here with many things to write about and every intention of writing all about those things.  Now, because I am tired and bitchy and just want my bed and a book, I'm writing this so that I can count it toward my 1001 list.

I've been slacking on my list.

AND!  Where the Wild Things Are is an awful movie.  What a waste of my time... :|  I'd link it, but I don't think it deserves that.

Pet Peeves...

Yes, I do realize that this blog is quickly turning into a dumping ground for my complaints about society.  No, I do not care.  

Today I have had just about enough of everything.  

By 9AM I was completely emotionally exhausted.  For the first time, Oliver REALLY did not want to go with his father.  He's teething, and his father showed up with some other car, but he's been teething before and he's been in that car before.  It was really hard to see him so upset over something...especially when it's never been like this.  It took 40 minutes and both of us trying just to get him into his carseat.  As soon as I walked away, I started crying... I just can't stand to see him so upset.  I do not want this to be a new thing.  While it's never easy to let him go, it's so much easier when he wants to go.  

< rant >

I think that it was because I was already emotionally done that the rest of the day has been so frustrating.  I understand that community college is not the same as university.  Really.  I just don't feel good about my classes.  It really is the best (only) option to avoid repayment of loans.  I've been honest about my reasoning.  I knew going into this that I probably would not enjoy this semester.  Unfortunately, I didn't realize just how much I would loathe logging in and looking at posts and reading... and especially how much I would despise my classmates.  Not all...but most.  When looking through the discussions, I realize that many of these people just do not belong in college.  It isn't as if much is asked of us... How is one fragment sentence considered appropriate?  All we have to write is 100 words.  Why do I care?  Because my grade depends in part on responding to these people.  I cannot simply respond that they need to read the syllabus... or be smarter... no matter how much I'd like to do just that.  Ugh.  Anyway... It's mostly the early childhood development class that's got me down in this respect.  My literature class seems to be full of at least semi-literate individuals.  They don't make me want to gouge my eyes out...that's what the text is for!  Seriously, I KNEW I didn't like American literature...so for all my years of higher education, I've avoided it completely.  I fell asleep 3 times trying to read less than 10 pages.  It's truly awful material.  I was unable to do the homework because I have yet to feel anything for either topic.  Oh well.

I think this is where the pet peeves are going to come in.  This does not apply solely to my classes... my current tolerance level is significantly lower than usual and I am noticing 'mistakes' more often than I'd like.  The best possible remedy is for everyone to stop making mistakes.  I must stress that what follows is only the most basic introduction to all the things that drive me insane...and my list of pet peeves varies depending on where you happen to be writing.  

1.  This is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing that you will ever EVER need to know when typing anything that might ever be read by another person (especially if that person is me): A (space) LOT.  No matter how many times you've seen it, 'alot' is not a word.  It is two separate words.  Please grant them their individuality!
2.  I'd like to introduce you to a few words: there, their, and they're.  Now I'm going to use them correctly, in hopes that you will do the same!
a.  There are a lot of douchebags in here.  OR  The prison entrance is located over there.  (these should be obvious)
b.  Their child looks like a gnome.  (their, meaning it belongs to them...)
c.  They're all going to laugh at you.  (they're combines they and are)
3.  Here are some more: your and you're.  Same drill here...
a.  Is that your blood?  (in this case, your is possessive...meaning...does that blood belong to you?)
b.  You're a moron.  (combination of you and are)
4.  And here are two more: to and too.
a.  I would like to leave.  (there are a million ways to explain this tiny word, so just go here: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/to)
b.  I, too, believe that the three-toed sloth is the cutest animal in the whole world.  (also...as well...furthermore...in addition...etc...).

5.  Adding an s to the end of a word does not mean that you must also add an apostrophe.  See example: http://www.sharingmachine.com/index.php?item=33

Ok.

< /rant >

I think I feel better now...even though True Blood was pretty disappointing tonight.

I have 2 ideas that need to be made into blogs, and if I get around to creating them, I'll post links here... or on facebook.

<3

Oliver's Word List

A 17-month old Oliver can say:

1.        Mama
   2.       Grandma
   3.       (I assume he says dad, but don’t actually know…)
   4.       Kitty
   5.       Cat
   6.       Puppy
   7.       Dog
   8.       Bird
   9.       Duck
   10.   Boob
   11.   Mud
   12.   Mess
   13.   Dirt
   14.   Pee pee
   15.   Poop
   16.   Bath
   17.   Toothpaste
   18.   Toothbrush
   19.   Towel
   20.   Plug
   21.   Color
   22.   Red
   23.   Green
   24.   Blue
   25.   White
   26.   Black
   27.   Yellow
   28.   Purple
   29.   Pink
   30.   Car
   31.   Truck
   32.   Bike
   33.   Trash truck
   34.   Fire truck
   35.   Swiffer
   36.   Ball
   37.   Giraffe
   38.   Monkey
   39.   Tail
   40.   Pillow
   41.   No
   42.   Up
   43.   Down
   44.   On
   45.   Off
   46.   Light
   47.   Coffee
   48.   Tea
   49.   Water
   50.   Juice
   51.   Milk
   52.   Cookie
   53.   Cake
   54.   Apple
   55.   Banana
   56.   Peach
   57.   Cracker
   58.   Fishies
   59.   Cup
   60.   Laptop
   61.   Ipod
   62.   Phone
   63.   Ice cream cone
   64.   Tomato
   65.   Bread
   66.   Block
   67.   Train
   68.   Book
   69.   My book
   70.   Keys
   71.   Baby
   72.   Pumpkin
   73.   Bug
   74.   Leaf
   75.   Flower
   76.   Rose
   77.   Lily
   78.   Bee
   79.   Moon
   80.   Sun
   81.   Sheep
   82.   Bunny
   83.   Owl
   84.   Star
   85.   Hat
   86.   Money
   87.   Ghost
   88.   Pizza
   89.   Peas
   90.   Frog
   91.   Doughnut
   92.   Shoes
   93.   Eye
   94.   Ear
   95.   Nose
   96.   Mouth
   97.   Hair
   98.   Forehead
   99.   Chin
   100.                        Mole
   101.                        Arm
   102.                        Knee
   103.                        Eyebrow
   104.                        Glasses
   105.                        Face
   106.                        Foot
   107.                        Toes
   108.                        Belly
   109.                        Cheek
   110.                        Boots
   111.                        Vacuum
   112.                        Broom
   113.                        Boom
   114.                        Highchair
   115.                        Blanket
   116.                        Berries
   117.                        Toast
   118.                        Potty
   119.                        Soap
   120.                        Bye
   121.                        Knife
   122.                        Fork
   123.                        Spoon
   124.                        Mush
   125.                        Plant
   126.                        Drill
   127.                        Hammer
   128.                        Camel
   129.                        Lion
   130.                        Bear
   131.                        Horse
   132.                        Grape
   133.                        Cheese
   134.                        Potato
   135.                        Green bean
   136.                        Airplane
   137.                        Chicken
   138.                        Pig
   139.                        Goat
   140.                        Cow
   141.                        Tractor
   142.                        Boat
   143.                        Rock
   144.                        Doll
   145.                        Robot
   146.                        Man
   147.                        Chip
   148.                        Broccoli
   149.                        Tree
   150.                        Pretty
   151.                        Bead
   152.                        Goose
   153.                        Lizard
   154.                        Tiger
   155.                        River
   156.                        Sky
   157.                        Rain
   158.                        Thunder
   159.                        House
   160.                        Park
   161.                        Powder
   162.                        Diaper
   163.                        Wipe
   164.                        Door
   165.                        Gate
   166.                        Grass
   167.                        Hot
   168.                        Bubble
   169.                        Pool
   170.                        Gun
   171.                        Balloon
   172.                        Hey/hi
   173.                        Meow
   174.                        Wall
   175.                        Stick
   176.                        Fan
   177.                        Bracelet
   178.                        Owe
   179.                        Mop
   180.                        Clean
   181.                        Dance
   182.                        Stinky
   183.                        Ruff ruff ruff
   184.                        Neck
   185.                        Elbow
   186.                        Armpit
   187.                        Girls
   188.                        Nice
   189.                        Pet
   190.                        Cat fur
   191.                        Pen
   192.                        Wolf
   193.                        Egg
   194.                        Meat
   195.                        Box
   196.                        Straw
   197.                        Tv
   198.                        Bib
   199.                        Dip
   200.                        Ketchup
   201.                        Open
   202.                        Shoes
   203.                        Out                    
   
   
   Spanish words –
   1.       Pez (fish)
   2.       Agua (water)
   
   
   Names –
   1.       Veronica (caca)
   2.       Bettye
   3.       Taylor (tay)

Bleh. I have dislikes.

Wanna know how to make me really upset??  Turn off my AC, drop me from my classes because I haven't paid (when I would have...had I not been charged out of state tuition), fail to return phone calls, claim my paperwork never arrived, force me to RE-SEND paperwork, and don't answer the phone when I call to confirm receipt...And be sure to do this on what will at some point be day 1 of my period.

Today has been positively blissful.

There's one day each month when I seriously wonder why I need/want more kids...because I really don't want my uterus.  It's this painful sack of uselessness, hanging out in my guts, completely unoccupied.  It angrily sheds its lining...and as a result, I get to spend a day curled up in a ball wishing for menopause.  Then I remember my reasoning...I'm too smart to have just one kid.  Those who should not be breeding are those who do it most (crackheads...teenagers...morons...super-religious-freaks)...which means there are far too many unwanted, uncared-for, little zealots with limited potential running around.  There is no nature vs. nurture...it takes both.  My children are genetically predisposed to be intelligent and healthy.  Due to my parenting style and personal belief system, my kids will be open-minded, genuine, loving, and independent.  People like me (and I don't mean to sound like a narcissist, but what I really mean is intelligent people with more than a high school education...particularly those who have a graduate degree or beyond) typically do not procreate.  We wait.  We wait until the timing is right...we try to find the perfect genetic match...we want to have a certain amount of investment property or just the right SUV.  Or we have one trophy child who grows up to be completely neurotic.  I know I'm over-thinking it...I really am just trying to justify my love of new baby scent.  AND at the same time, I'm gonna do my part to ensure Idiocracy doesn't become a reality.

But... the AC is fixed...my kid is adorable...and we're going for a walk in a bit.  I guess things aren't THAT bad.

Or not...Oliver just learned how to open his crayons...or, well...MY crayons.  I anticipate a mess in the next few minutes.  :)

Sitting here with a Pepsi and not much else.

Life is incredibly boring when my Oliver isn't here.  My mom's turning into a hoarder and I can't stand it...BUT at least True Blood was great tonight.  I'm really starting to like Eric.  I almost find him attractive...which is weird, because blondes just don't do it for me.  I also watched Confessions of a Shopaholic this morning...and it was mediocre, but the leading man may well be the most attractive guy I've seen in a movie in a very long time.  I believe I said that the first time I saw the movie, too :)

I am in the worst mood today, though... not quite sure what it is, but I'm just venomous.  I want to break something...it's tiring...might be why I wanna go to bed at 7:40.  This is probably because Oliver isn't here to make the day happy.  How did I ever exist without my kid!?

And why am I blogging? I have nothing to say...I said everything on facebook today.  :)

a review....of sorts. ****spoiler alert****

Maybe I'm a very callus person.  I dunno...it's possible.  9-11 never had any emotional impact on me.  I always figured that it was because I'm simply not capable of comprehending something on that scale....and it's quite possible that's the case.  Today's the first time I actually cried over something '9-11-related'...and oddly, it was a movie that had only had something to do with it for a moment.

I just finished watching Remember Me.  The funny thing...I *knew* how the movie ended before watching it...which is probably why it took a good 10 attempts to finally get through the whole thing - it's tough to get in the mood for a sad movie.  I just thought it was going to end with a different kind of death entirely.  I was betting on something tragic, yet more self-serving.  The movie wasn't amazing... and the very last scene totally should have been cut... but there were some beautiful moments throughout...particularly near the end.  The 9-11 bit...seriously just a few minutes of the movie...caught me totally off-guard but was just so perfect an end.

I really want to write more right now... but because Oliver ate a graham cracker over the keyboard at some point today, half of my keys aren't working right.  I sorta want to vacuum the laptop.